Aftermath
by Feudor
Summary: A short epilogue to the story House, describing what happened after the puma was killed and the forest fire put out.


**Aftermath**

 _ **Dramatis Personae**_

 _Shelley Aibreann Possible McGoohan, mother of two, age unstated but approaching her thirties. Strikingly beautiful, tall and pale, with long, flowing, black hair (SMG)._

 _Steve Stringer, middle-aged officer of the US Forest Service, somewhat heavy and with a short military-style haircut (SS)._

 _ **Location**_

 _A break-room in the Middleton offices of the US Forest Service. Centre stage, three dinner tables with cafeteria chairs. Stage right, a kitchenette with sink and cooking facilities. Entrance. Stage left, a couch and two armchairs around a coffee table, a water cooler, a coffee machine and a big wall-mounted TV._

 _SMG and SS seated opposite each other at middle dinner table._

 ** _Time_**

 _Around 3 o'clock in the afternoon, Saturday._

_\o0o/_

SS (producing and booting up a tablet computer): So … name, please?

SMG: Shelley Aibreann Possible McGoohan.

SS: Eh … could you spell that, please?

SMG: Sure. S-H-E- …

SS: No, not that one.

SMG: Oh, Aibreann? A-I-B-R-E-A-N-N. It's Irish.

SS: Oh, I see. Funny spelling. Funny pronunciation.

SPMG: Are we really here for you to voice opinions on my cultural heritage?

SS: Sorry. Address, please?

SMG: 36, Silver Drive, here in Middleton.

SS: Telephone?

SMG: 303 275 9999 _(Note: random number – make sure not in use)_

SS: And your age?

SMG: Really? My age? What has that got to do with anything?

SS: Well, there is a space for 'age' here in the form…

SMG (looking hostile): So, write 'unknown'.

SS: Eh … okay. So, Possible McGoohan? Any relation to Anne Possible, the surgeon? I only ask because my son played soccer with her twins when they were teenagers, and we got to know each other a bit, meeting at matches and stuff.

SMG: Yeah, she's my mother-in-law, actually.

SS (astonished): Oh! I see!

SMG: Why does that surprise you?

SS: No reason, really. Only, there seems to be a bit of an age gap between you and Jim and Tim…

SMG: Again with my age! It's none of your business, I keep telling you. And, for your information, I didn't marry one of the tweebs; I married the daughter, Kimberly Anne.

SS: Oh … Kim Possible, the girl who saved the world from aliens?

SMG (irritated): The same. And if you have any further comments about our private lives and the nature of our marriage, I strongly recommend that you keep them very much to yourself.

SS (nervous): … Oh. … I just didn't realise … I don't really have … I mean, some of my best friends …

SMG (Tired): Please, just stop talking.

SS: Sure … _/beat/_ … So, what did you want to report?

SMG (draws breath and calms herself): Yeah. Right. I would like to report a small forest fire, which we have put out to the best of our abilities, and the accidental killing of a puma.

SS (typing): A fire, you say. And where was this?

SMG: In the hills just on the other side of the Northwest Highway. If you have a map, I can show you.

SS (Pulls up detailed map of Middleton on tablet and hands it over)

SMG (pans and zooms): Here. We were looking at this property, here. After having seen the house and the other buildings, we decided to look at the patch of forest. There is a path, here, which leads up to a small meadow, here, with a stream running across it. Just about here? (Points to map on tablet).

SS: I see. And how did the fire start?

SMG: It started by accident when we killed the cougar.

SS (irritated): And why did you kill the cougar?

SMG: It attacked us from ambush. It leaped for one of our daughters and I had no choice but to kill it.

SS: Okay. And what sort of gun did you shoot it with?

SMG: I didn't shoot it with a gun.

SS (striving for patience): Well, what sort of weapon did you use, then? A crossbow? Knife?

SMG: No weapon. I killed it with my hands.

SS: Oh, come now! You can't kill a cougar with your bare hands!

SMG: Well, _**I**_ can.

SS: You sure it wasn't a lynx? Or a small dog?

SMG: I know a cougar when I see it. And this was a cougar. And a big one.

SS (sitting back): I find that hard to believe.

SMG: Oh, I can show you, if you like.

SS: Please do.

SMG: I would suggest, though, that we go outside.

SS (looks demonstratively at watch): Well, I don't have all day. Just do it here, if you please.

SMG: You sure?

SS: Quite certain.

SMG: Well, just as you don't come later and say it's my fault.

SS (exasperated): Show me, already!

SMG: All right. What shall I use as a cougar?

SS: Whatever. Take a chair, or a table.

SMG: Okay. I'll use the couch.

SMG (Zaps couch with stream of green plasma fire. Couch is cut in two): There! Now the couch-cougar is dead. And as you see, the area around it is on fire.

SMG (Throws five concussive energy blasts. Entire coffee corner, including coffee machine, water cooler, TV, armchair and windows, disintegrates): And this is how I put out the fire. Convinced?

/Lengthy silence/

SS (shocked): Kim Possible?

SMG: Yes?

SS: Who saved the world?

SMG: Yes?

SS: She had some help, right?

SMG: Yes?

SS: A crazy blue dude and some teenager?

SMG: Yes?

SS: And a green bi … lady that could throw fire?

SMG: Yes?

SS: That's you, isn't it? Sheeloh?

SMG: Shego, not Sheeloh. Shego was my _nom de guerre_ when I was a criminal

SS: 'Nomdy gah'?

SMG: _Nom de guerre_. It's french, means alias or pseudonym. Shego was my alias as a mercenary.

SS: Right. … /beat/ … Oh, boy. This will cost us!

SMG: It will cost _**you**_. You may care to remember that I recommended that we not do this in-doors.

SS: Oh, fuck. And you blew up the coffee machine! The others will kill me!

SMG: That's not my problem, now, is it? Anyway, you have the information you need. Good luck. I do not expect to hear from you again. Ever. (Exits right.)

Off stage: Commotion, hurried steps and shouting.

SS (Stunned, but gathering himself): Well, crap. Seems like a good time to go look at a dead puma. (Exits left, through broken window).

 _/Curtain/_

_\o0o/_

Shelley put her arms around her wife and held her tight.

"So that was more or less what happened," she said.

Kim giggled. "Oh, you are still evil, you are."

"Perhaps a bit. But that's why you love me so much, right?"

Shelley got a kiss as an answer. "Probably. But then I do feel a little bad for the poor forest ranger. He's gonna have some trouble explaining himself. And there will be no coffee in that office for a time!"

"True, that. But it's his own fault."

"Still, I think we should send him a sort of contribution."

"I am not paying for stupid people making stupid mistakes. And, anyway, they might be insured."

"Oh, I wasn't thinking about money. I though we might send him a big jar of instant coffee."

It was Shelley's turn to giggle. "Kimberley Anne! I do believe you are a tiny bit evil, yourself!"

"I must have gotten it from you."

"Yeah, that sort of mindset is probably contagious."

"Well, that's what happens when you get close to someone!"

They got closer. And private activities ensued.


End file.
